Commentary

Well, this is embarrassing…

A few years ago my kneecap popped out quite suddenly and unexpectedly while drinking with some friends at Barcade in Brooklyn. It wasn’t just a little popped out either – when I fell to the floor, collapsed against a nearby Tapper cabinet, I assumed my leg had just mysteriously broken. Whatever was going on, all I could tell was that something was jutting out of my leg by several inches.

An ambulance ride and two hours of agony later, a doctor popped my kneecap back in and sent me home limping, swollen, but relatively fine. My hope was that it would never happen again.

Fast forward to about a week ago. Kinect came out and Dance Central looked awesome – I had to get one. I ordered it from Amazon and it arrived a couple days later. Kinect Adventures got boring pretty quickly and the dashboard was a disappointment, but Dance Central ended up being everything I hoped for. I loved it so much I started playing it every chance I got, twisting and contorting that knee for hours on end – I probably had this coming.

So my friends and I got together to play it and we were having a blast. Everyone was drinking, laughing, and our dance moves ranged from smooth and sexy to hilariously spastic. I landed somewhere in the middle, at least until I landed on the floor after one knee jerk too many dancing to Teach Me How To Jerk.

Here’s the song in question, it explains a lot:

“Not again!” I shouted in agony, hitting the floor and scaring the hell out of everyone in the room.

“Joe, are you okay?”

“No.”

“Should I call an ambulance?”

“Yes.”

I tried popping it back in again, but it wouldn’t budge. Between the pain and the room full of terrified friends, I could see this would be another long night. The paramedics arrived to a room full of beer bottles, a Kinect, and me collapsed in the middle of it all. A police officer picked up the game and joked that he’d have to take it in for evidence.

And yes, once again, hours of agony just so a doctor can finally pop it back in, hours of my knee looking like this:

So I’m pretty sure that despite all the incidents of parents clubbing their kids in the head during Kinect Adventures or people smacking low-hanging objects into their TVs, I’m the first moron that was carried out of my house on a stretcher.

P.S. For anyone counting, Dance Central is still awesome and I’m still going to play the hell out of it once my knee is better.

Written by Joe Donato

I'm an enthusiast and writer for video games and film, interested in criticism and sharing my dumb opinions with all of you.

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